On Sunday, this picture popped up on my Timehop. It was a reminder of how far I've come in my journey as a runner. When I first started running, I weighed 230 pounds and every step I took was hard and painful. I was determined to keep running because it was the cheapest form of exercise I could do. At that point in my life, I knew that I had to do something. I hated the way that I looked, and I knew that I was very unhealthy. My family has a history of heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. At the rate I was going, I was going to end up with one or all of these if I didn't do something to get healthier. I called up my sister-in-law, Abby, and asked if she wanted to do a 10k with me. She agreed, and my training began. Those first few training runs were tough. I don't think that I could run a full mile without walking, and I was okay with that. I was doing more for my body than I had in the past and was determined to finish the race. For my first five mile run, I was in Pittsburgh for the weekend, so Abby and I were going to run together. We went to a trail near her house and took off. At one point, I looked at her and told her that I did not think I would survive. It was the most brutalizing thing I had endured. She kept encouraging me, and I finished. This run showed me that I had a lot of work to do as a runner, but I also learned that I had something inside of me that I didn't know existed. I had determination and perseverance. On race day, I finished the race, which I felt was a small miracle, and decided that I could complete a half marathon. This was coming from a girl that
NEVER enjoyed running. I still didn't enjoy running, but I loved how I felt after crossing that finish line. I proved to myself that I could do something I
NEVER dreamed of accomplishing. Abby agreed to do my first half-marathon with me, and the training began. My first was over 6 years ago, and I still remember that feeling of crossing the finish line. I was so excited to get my medal and foil. I was on top of the world. I had just ran 13.1 miles and didn't quit. There were many times along the route that I wanted to give up! I couldn't breathe, I was overheating, I had stomach cramps, you name it. Even though things weren't going my way, there was no way I was going to stop. I had just committed the last 12 weeks of my life to accomplishing the goal of crossing that finish line. It wasn't fast or pretty, BUT I did it! I swore that would be the last half I ever ran because my body ached, and I didn't think I could endure another training plan. Well, I changed my mind. Since then, I have ran 4 other half-marathons and will be running my sixth on Sunday.
Why did I keep running? At first, I kept running because I saw changes in my body. I lost some weight and started seeing muscles that I hadn't seen since I was a collegiate athlete. I was determined to get my weight under 200, and I knew that I could do it if I kept running. The number on the scale kept going down, and I was pleased with the results. Eventually running became so much more than a weight loss tool. I loved being part of community of complete strangers than encouraged me on race day. People shouted words of encouragement and gave high fives as I ran past them. I started seeing the same faces at races and started making friends. My training runs became my sanity and way to decompress after a long day at work. It was my time to spend with my thoughts and get lost in the sounds of nature or music. Running became my therapy! Besides being therapeutic, running gives me a chance to set goals out of my comfort zone and push myself both physically and mentally.
In the past, the goals that I have set for myself required a little bit more effort and work than a previous race. I've always tried to set the bar a little bit higher in order to push myself. With that being said, I set a goal for Sunday's race that scares me. I want to run my half under two hours. That means that I need to take at least 5 minutes off my time from last year. There are some days that I know that I can get under 2, and others I second guess myself. The first step in meeting this goal was to make sure that I worked out all winter in order to make my legs and core stronger. In order to do this, I completed Insanity Max 30. This program definitely pushed me and helped me get stronger. I'm not going to lie; there were many days that I did not want to push play! Once actual training started, I knew that I had to up my game and take on a new training plan. I decided to go with
Hal Higdon's Intermediate plan. This planned frightened me because it included speed work. I had never done speed work in the past and wasn't sure if it was something that I could do correctly. Deep down I knew that I had to step out of my comfort zone if I wanted to meet my goal. Let me tell you; I am not sure if I will ever do another speed workout again. They kick my butt and leave me completely exhausted. I'm hoping that they will pay off come race day.
As race day approaches, my mind keeps filling with self-doubt even though I've followed my training plan and put in extra miles along the way. I always tell others to trust in their training, but I am having a hard time following my own advice. I should be heading into the race filled with confidence since I have ran my fastest 5k, 5 miler, and 8 miler races to date during this training period, but I am not. I keep thinking about all of the things that could go wrong instead of the things that can go right. In the back of my mind, I've already started coming up with the excuses I will use if I don't meet my goal. Why do I let my mind go there? I should be focusing on the things I am going to say once I crush my goal. I need to start being my biggest fan and filling myself with positive affirmations. With that being said, I am going to start with: "When someone tells you "you can't", turn around and say "watch me". In my case, I am going to say this to myself whenever that self-doubt creeps into my mind. No matter what happens on Sunday, and I am going to be proud of how far I've come as a runner. I never thought I would run faster than a 10 minute mile, but I have. I never thought I would run a half-marathon, but I have. I never thought I would attempt a full-marathon, but I am going to. Find something that pushes your limits and makes you a better you. For me, it was running, and I am thankful that I had the courage to take those first steps. Were they easy? Not at all!
